Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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