So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I need to sanitize my soul.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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