i just wanna soil my oats bro
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
