found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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