I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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