New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
