its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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