Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
