he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
