Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
