Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
organizing the empties. That sober.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
