it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
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No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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