: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
