i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Say something about gay babies.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
