i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
