You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
