Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
