I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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