well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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