Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
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