we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Randomize
