No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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