ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
She said her name was "party"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
