I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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