those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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