I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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