You just made me feel so damn special
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
