Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
