and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
