it was like his penis was on wheels.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize