We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
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But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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