We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
