you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
