I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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