You're completely useless in the revolution.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
