dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
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