i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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