Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
