At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
