he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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