Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
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I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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