why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
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she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize