There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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