i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
