So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
