remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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