margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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