Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
