The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
