My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
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I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
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Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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