I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I am naked and annoyed.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
