She said her name was "party"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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