ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
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