how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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