We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
