I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
