He is such a slut. More and more my type.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
