I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
