Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
