I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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