I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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