I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
