Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
