Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
