he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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