wat bout pragnant strippers??
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
you never un-have a 4some
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
