I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
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