I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
