really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
