oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
