Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
