Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
