you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
